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Husband Store

A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says. "I wonder what's upstairs?"

The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.

"Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. Oh, mercy me! But just think..what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at Husband Mart - have a nice day!

Downsizing Christmas

MEMORANDUM

Subject: Fwd: Downsizing Xmas

The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected
to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered
a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced,
and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole.
Streamlining was necessary due to the North Pole's loss of
dominance of the season's gift distribution business. Home
shopping channels and mail order catalogues have diminished
Santa's market share. He could not sit idly by and permit
further erosion of the profit picture.

The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the
purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual
trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who
summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated.
Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne
environmental emissions for which the North Pole has
received unfavorable press.

I am pleased to inform you that Rudolph's role will not be
disturbed. Tradition still counts for something at the
North Pole. Management denies, in the strongest possible
language, the earlier leak that Rudolph's nose got that way,
not from the cold, but from substance abuse. Calling
Rudolph "a lush who was into the sauce and never did pull
his share of the load" was an unfortunate comment, made by
one of Santa's helpers and taken out of context at a time of
year when he is known to be under executive stress.

As a further restructuring, today's global challenges
require the North Pole to continue to look for better, more
competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following
economy measures are to take place in the "Twelve Days of
Christmas" subsidiary:

- The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never
turned out to be the cash crop forecasted. It will be
replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing
considerable savings in maintenance;

- The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is
simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance
during working hours could not be condoned. The
positions are therefore eliminated;

- The three French hens will remain intact. After all,
everyone loves the French;

- The four calling birds were replaced by an automated
voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An
analysis is underway to determine who the birds have
been calling, how often and how long they talked;

- The five golden rings have been put on hold by the
Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on
one commodity could have negative implications for
institutional investors. Diversification into other
precious metals as well as a mix of T-Bills and high
technology stocks appear to be in order;

- The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can
no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the
production rate of one egg per goose per day is an
example of the decline in productivity. Three geese
will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection
procedure by personnel will assure management that from
now on every goose it gets will be a good one;

- The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen
in better times. The function is primarily decorative.
Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will
be retrained to learn some new strokes and therefore
enhance their outplacement;

- As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been
under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance
in the workforce is being sought. The more militant
maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward
mobility. Automation of the process may permit the
maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching;

- Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number.
This function will be phased out as these individuals
grow older and can no longer do the steps;

- Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of
Lords plus the expense of international air travel
prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest
replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen.
While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the
savings are significant because we expect an oversupply
of unemployed congressmen this year;

- Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a
simple case of the band getting too big. A
substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new
music and no uniforms will produce savings which will
drop right down to the bottom line;

We can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people,
fowl, animals and other expenses. Though incomplete,
studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days
is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service
levels will be improved. Regarding the lawsuit filed by the
attorney's association seeking expansion to include the
legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing") action is
pending.

Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may
be necessary in the future to stay competitive. Should that
happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the
Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right
number.

--'-,-{@

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A thousand apologies for any inconvenience caused....there was a slight glitch on my side and saw i had double posts.

Please delete this thread.

Thank you.