QUOTE (Bits @ Jul 20 2011, 09:04 PM)
ability- The virtue you are forced to use if your boss has no daughter.
adminisphere- The levels of management where big, impractical, and counterproductive decisions are made.
advertising- The art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need. (Will Rogers)
all new- Not compatible with earlier versions.
argument- An exchange of words between people with diametrically opposed views, all of whom know that they are right.
boss- Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
compromise- The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
cooperate- Used of oneself, to enter into a constructive collaboration with another person. Used of someone else, to do exactly as one is told.
corporation- An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. (Ambrose Bierce)
design- What you later regret not doing.
experience- 1. The ability to repeat one's mistakes with ever-increasing confidence. 2. What you get when you don't get what you want.
FAQ- Frequently Avoided Questions. A company's attempt to answer commonly asked questions such as, "How do I get technical support?"
feature- A hardware limitation, as described by a marketing representative.
flow chart- A graphic representation of a bowl of spaghetti.
freelance- To collect unemployment.
hardware- The parts of a computer which can be kicked.
inbox- A catch basin for everything you don't want to deal with, but are afraid to throw away
initiative- Deliberately disobeying a destructive order from your manager and being right in the long run.
innumeracy- An ineptitude for mathematics which results in the fear of all sums. (Simon Stacey)
life insurance- term (coined by the greatest marketer of all time) for a plan that keeps you poor all your life so you can die rich
management- The art of getting other people to do the work.
management consultant- Someone who tells you how to do improve doing something that he or she can't do at all.
marketing- The art of selling a product that doesn't cost much to produce in such a way that people will take out a small loan to own it.
meeting- An assembly of people coming together to decide: a person, not represented in the room, must solve a problem.
multislacking- Doing two or more useless activities simultaneously instead of working.
negotiate- To seek a meeting of the minds without the knocking together of heads.
outsourcery- The belief that all business problems can magically be solved by outsourcing.
state of the art- Anything that you can’t afford.
strategy- A long-range plan whose merit cannot be evaluated until sometime after those creating it have left the organization.
tact- The art of getting your point across without stabbing someone with it.
unemployment office- A career placement service for humanities majors.
unfair competition- Selling more cheaply than we do.
wisdom- Knowing what to do with what you know.
The definitions of management and self-employed made me laugh pretty good.... pretty true, lol.