hi folks,
i was very fortunate to find a wonderful gal. She is into me as I am into her. We were like .

Unfortunately, her parents ONLY believe in arranged marriage and so they barred us. We cannot see and contact each other. They then send her back to India quickly, in less than 12hr, after knowing about us. Her sudden departure was very painful. 1 day we were talking late at night and the next day she was on the flight.

no offense, but why do people give too much credit on arranged marriage? is it because of business, family, culture?
can people thinking changed as we have stepped into the 21st century??

will she be happy as much as she wanted to be in an arranged marriage??

Pretty much culture, it's very common in india, sometimes the arranged marriage ends well, but sometimes it doesn't... that's quite sad that they separate people like that, they don't know well the word 'love', unfortunatly they think they are doing the best for their child, but that's not always true.

thanks eiranis for your comments.

btw any folks here being arrange marriage? mind to share your lifetime experience?

Hi,

There can be love in arranged marriage too.

Sorry to hear about your story acit..

I guess some ppl learn to love their spouses in an arranged marriage...but if you're already in love with someone else, then I doubt love will flourish with your new spouse who you'll probably despise for seperating you from the love of your life..

Am I making sense?

Well, I used to work with a lot of people from India and
All of them, but one entered arrange marriage and all of them
Were happy. Family select 5 – 10 candidates same background,
Similar interest, almost like E-Harmony. Person will chose from
Those candidates I think they even have supervised date.
I’m sorry for your lost, maybe it’s not meant to be
By the way how old is girl?

i guess so. Does it take years to develop the love in arranged marriage? because he was a stranger you met 3 days ago. Now you have made a lifetime commitment to live together. I am guessing initial nights must be very, very awkward.

Btw, melinie, it think I know what you mean. We have to move on and not drag the past. There is so much to see on the future.

it is because of family common interest.

She will be 21 this may 22nd.

There's plenty of fish in the sea. You'll find that you may be compatible with many others out there as well, but it really relies on the being the most opportune time for both of you.

If a person has a family tie that strong to be involved in an arranged marriage, I wouldn't want to be involved in that. I don't see much wrong with it, because that's their culture.

If your gal is the gal you want to keep for ever, you're going to have to consider kicking some butt and making things happen. If you're both cool with possibly having to divorce her family from your lives you could perform a rescue in India of made-for-TV movie proportions.

I don't like the idea of arranged marriages. Not even the ones where they offer you a bunch of money.

If she really truelly did love you then nothing would stand in her way not even her parents..

Parents are only here i think to take you to adulthood there after they can;t decide things like this

Marrage is'nt on my mind and wont be for years but i know when i do it will be 100% because that's truelly what i want and not because i'm pushed into it by anyone including the person i love at the time

Do things for you not because others push you into it !..It's your life you live once have no regreat

Thank you guys for the confidence talk.

This is what happens next,

She came back from India. Great! Long distance relationship won't work, at least 99% from what I think.
So she came back. She called me regarding her return.

She is meeting a guy soon. Her father chose the guy.

I said 'whatever you do, follow your HEART, baby. I'll be wating.'.

I don't know if I would wait. Obviously, she's going to be with the guy that the family chooses in the end. I would enjoy the past and the connection that you two shared, but continue on with the future.

There's just no point in dwelling on what could have been. She loves her family is loyal to it as well. It would cause a lot of problems for her to against her family and beliefs, and it's just not worth getting involved.

Sad history...
I belive that is possible to find love in arranged marriage, but only if both are happy with it (some people like to maintain their cultural traces).

For me at least, saying something like, 'Do what you want' sounds a lot like 'I'm okay w/ whatever you pick. I'll just be over here hanging out while you decide. See ya!'. If you want her to pick you, then you've gotta compete. If not against the other guy, than against her family.

Yeah, well said Ragnafrak!!!

You want the girl, go fight for her, man!!!..

All this nice talk is not gonna get you anywhere...she'll get married to the other one thinking you're cool with it..

Go get her!!!

I can think of nothing worse than an arranged marriage. Personally i would rather remain single, than marry someone to please anybody, other than myself.

Surely, the girl would resent this man forever (like fishie said), for denying her, her happiness.

As a parent, it is beyond me how any parent could force their child into unhappiness just to do what they themselves believe is the right thing to do, regardless of the culture.......geez, it's the 21st century here.

ya know....thinking about it, the obvious answer is that yes, this is the 21st century and true love just couldn't or maybe shouldn't be found this way...
but...I was thinking....

I'm a Christian. The Bible teaches that a believer should not join together in marriage with a non-believer. We have several young ladies in our congregation that would love to be wives, but their choices are severely limited especially in our congregation..really about nonexistent in our congregation. But ..there are several eligible men in other congregations that we fellowship with that I'm sure would make wonderful husbands for any of them. I have to admit to have thought that it would be a good idea to match them up.
I guess that is the same principle. In a prearranged marriage, I have to assume that the parents want to find a good companion that would have common beliefs and opinions as their child.
BUT. Our pastor's don't do this. And the parents don't do it. So...I guess the best way is to leave it in God's hands to join them together in His time.

This may have nothing to do with the actual topic at hand, but it did come to mind and I'm rambling...

I understand what you are saying Linda, but matchmaking is an entirely different thing to an arranged marriage.
An arranged marriage gives no choice, well meaning people trying to pair up a man and a woman is an entirely different thing.
I could be wrong here, but I was under the impression that often these arranged marriages are organized when the man and woman are still infants, or small children....and that it was more to do with financial standing and pairing certain families, than finding partners with common interests.

I so agree with you Ragnafrak!!!

acit, if you trully love her and her feelings are the same for you then go FIGHT for her!!!
Do not just sit and wait for her to take the decision!!! Taking into consideration their culture, it is tough for her to decide against her parents's will. Show her you are the RIGHT ONE for her and do not give up so easely.

Otherwise you may end up with the regret: What could have been IF...

I've seen a lot of young people with horrible choices for companions. I do believe that there are just some people that need assistance from their parents to find someone.

I really find it hard to believe that the parents would find someone that is absolutely horrible for their child to live with.

Some cultures have to go this far to protect their traditions and way of life. It might seem harsh and ridiculous to some of us who only see other cultures in a National Geographic magazine, but many cultures are losing their traditions.

A lil` 200000 years old tradition as arranged marrige wouldn`t stop me!:)
You just have to have a smooth lil` talk with your Gal (as I understood correctly she`s back) about thease things, love can make Ya do crazy things and if she doesn`t have the guts to say NO to her parents and run away with Ya, than that`s just not love!
My humble opinion!:)

It's unfortunate for the culture to be lost, yes. However, I'd still value the needs of the individual in a situation like this. When your culture forces you to make life-altering decisions that negatively affect your potential to be happy for the rest of your life, then I think it's better to embrace a new culture that allows you to be the person you want to be.

In history and even modern day there are many examples of Cultures with rich pasts that many would think should at least be remembered, but we wouldn't necessarily want them to survive in our current society.

Was the aztecs or the mayans that used to consider it an honor to have their team-captain ritually sacrificed after winning a sportsmatch?

In Syria I hear they're still practicing female circumcision to prevent their women from having sex until they're married (unfortunately it also prevents them from enjoying it, ever).

The guy was from Saudi.

She has now gone to Malaysia for 2 weeks.
She was forced to go with the guy and the guy's father.
They left 2 days ago.

Her birthday will be on 22nd May.
We have planned to me each other, her parents on that day.

But now, she is away.

I will still go visit her parents on the 22nd, with or without her.
It is the first time i will be meeting them.

I think it is up to those cultures themselves whether they want to lose certain parts of their traditions. Is it mutilation for the Jewish people to mutilate the private parts of teenage boys?

Doesn't our culture force us to get a job, conform to society, and make life-altering decisions that could give a negative impact as well.

As far as whether it was the Aztecs or Mayans, we'd have to look in a history book and check with some archaeologists because obviously at some point, someone said their culture was all wrong and were wiped out because of it.

Some cultures have no choices to keep their race and culture intact by having these arraigned marriages.

You cannot be 101% sure, even in Love Marriage.

if you promise so many things, she will have alot of expectations of you. then you are doomed.

Every expectations she expect from you and never fulfill, she will lose trust in you, and if continue day by day,

will grow the feelings of regret, disappointed. Your weaknesses is shown to her in true colors, lol.

until one day, when the bubble burst, one of us would say, "I should have chosen him/her OVER you!"

acit

As i can see you are right now in a sort of negative phase and is sort of understandable.
Of course, normal marriage from love, can happens to not work as well, but thinking this way will not bring you anywhere.
Have a little more faith in your feelings and hers and think positively. I am sure she is not expecting from you to be perfect, no one is btw... Stop worrying too much about future, every thing has its time and your love will surpass any difficulties.

Good luck with convincing her parents I pray for you both to be together

Any good news here??

Any happy ending to this love story??

C'mon Acit, give us some updates....

she will never be happy ,
her parents are from this kind of marriage, they are stupid like hell, I already hate them from the bottom of my soul & heart, they simply bring my anger up to the front.

Fight for her, destroy all that stands in your way, no compromises!
If you need to kill, do it, but running away together will be anough!
If you are the one for here and she is the one for you she will even join you in making a mess !

For those who want to stop love death is the only freedom!





Don't be so sure,
if they are picking whom she will love they are stupid.
Only her heart can pick that!

Now tell me how can stupid people find a right one for her?

the rate of divorce... you probably have just as good a chance in an arranged marriage then finding your own spouse... at least you will have a few years of harmony getting to know each other.. and they won't already be on your nerves..lol

hmmm well hope acit came well out of meeting with parents of his love

All men are belivers,
just put them in the right situation and you'll see that all belive in something
Non-beliver is just a beliver that is angry so he is ignoring the God at the moment, but still, he is in conection with him!

Get real, the story has just begun, her parents are idiots!

Acit,
If the two who truly love each other don't join together
then we should all burn untill there's nothing left!