Dear hillbilly son,

I'm writing this letter very slowly because I know that you cannot read very
fast. We no longer live in the same place we used to at the time you left
home. Your father read in a paper that most accidents happen 30 km from home,
so we decided to move elsewhere.I cannot send you our new address
because the family who lived here before took the street sign so they would not
have to make the change of address.

This house is very nice. There is a washer, too. I'm not quite sure if it is
functioning properly. Last week I put the laundry in and flushed and I haven't
seen the laundry since.

The weather hasn't been so bad lately. Last week it rained only two times,
first for three days and then for four days.

Your uncle Donald said that the coat you asked him to send is very heavy with
it's buttons and it would have costed fortunes to send it, so we cut off the
buttons and put them into the pockets. The coat is on it's way.

John left the car keys inside the car yesterday. We were really getting
worried because it took John over two hours to get us out of the car.

Your sister Ellie had a child yesterday. I don't know if it's a boy or a girl
yet so I can't say if you are uncle or aunt. The child resembles your brother.

Your uncle Tim fell down in a homebrew barrel a couple of weeks ago. We tried
to pull him out but he didn't want to be rescued so he drowned. His body was
cremated last Sunday but we couldn't put out the fire without the help of fire
fighters.

Three of your old friends died last week.Their lorry swerved off the road
into a river and went under. Ronald was driving and he got himself out of the
window but the other guys were sitting on the platform and they couldn't get
the gate open so they all drowned.

Well, here were the latest... nothing much to tell, like always.

Best regards
Your mum

PS: I was thinking of sending some money, too, but the envelope was already sealed.