I am ashamed to say that I faltered today.
I met my boyfriend out for a drink before coming back to the house. A bar...first mistake!
I couldn't sit there and not smoke so I told him that I would meet him at home and of course that just set the set the pattern for the rest of the evening. He said that since we've been seperated I made too many changes too fast. There's more to that but I won't get into it right now. It just has to do with my millionaire mind, the computer and money. Do I need to say anymore? Any way we got into a fight or let's say a heated discussion and he left. So I left right behind him. A natural woman instinct during a fight, lol. I drove around him and straight to the gas staition where I bought a pack if Camel Special Lights! If the guy who sold them to me moved any slower than he already did I wouldn't be here now!
Just kidding, but I was ready to jump over the counter and light up before he even gave me my total. I made it back to the car and lit up
I smoked a total of two and then I came to my senses thank god! I not only threw them away, I destroyed them so I couldn't go "rescue" them later.
All in all today was the hardest of the them all. I even put a patch on my arm around noon. I've decided that the problem with the nicotine is under control but the habit isn't. The habit controlled my life and now I am walking in circles! I know, I know replace the habit! Once again something that is easier said than done. Chewing gum? That's out for right now because of the Good & Plentys! My jaws and temples hurt so bad from eating that whole 6oz box last night that I can't hardly eat anything.
I want to exercise but that's not really a habit and just as hard to start as it was quiting the cigs! I'm sure I'll come up with something simple for starters. I just don't want it to involve food.
I am starting to bore myself now. Actually I just got done having it out with Karen (STW) and I think I had better
for now. I am on a roll right now and it's not a pretty one.
So it's now about 3:15AM and I realized today that I am not a non smoker. I am a smoker who doesn't smoke
I remember reading something about that early on in the Poll thread. Well good night all, that's all I can muster in my current state of mind
I think I'll take a little break for a day or two but I will be checking in here and there. (Because you all know I can't completly stay away)
PS It's now 4AM and I'm still going in circles with her