It has been one week now and I can honestly say it's been very educating, depressing, motivating, scary, cleansing, and HARD! I know some of you think that ellmer and I have been acting silly here and there but please understand that we both just went through a huge life changing experience! FYI being silly means that we are happy and laughing on the inside which is much more healthy than smoking cigarettes and being miserable! I wish I had enough ink to print the entire "Do you smoke?" thread, all the PMs and this blog! I would keep it forever and remember all the genuine support you all gave me. Thank you!

I am still struggling every day but it does get easier each day too, just in different ways. This has been very emotional for me, to say the least! I have gone through so many stages of change that I am truely a different person than I was a week ago.

BTW, Selina's comment about MMG is to make money...well the way I look at it is I just increased my income by over $200 a month without investing a dime! Can any body else make that same claim?

Lastly, I would like to say to you Mobile...I have a lot of respect for you! Thank you for keeping me in line!

I made it through the weekend without any more !
Suckers! Don't believe everything you read! Actually I did okay, not good, not bad just okay. I didn't smoke a whole but I did "hit" my boyfriends' a few times. It is so much harder when I am around another smoker! It's almost like they have magnets in them, pulling me closer until I'm touching one! I found that snapping my rubberband did two things for me. First it did just what it is inteded to do, bring me back to reality and second it helped my boyfriend realize that I was having a hard time seeing him smoke. He took it upon himself without saying a word to not light up around me most of the weekend. He also puffed on a cigar instead of a most of the time. (I wish there was a little green smiley to represent SICK) YUK! That was a big help because I have absolutely no desire to smoke one of those!

So regarding the "talk"...it never happened! We had too good of a weekend to screw it up so we just simply enjoyed each other's company We went fishing twice, watched the race yesterday and cooked out. I won't mention what else we did We did agree to talk tonight though and I think that he will be moving back in this coming weekend.

Last but not least I can't quit thinking about how lucky I am and Ellmer too that Global*Money started the "Do you smoke?" Poll. It's not too often that something like this takes place you know? Maybe we should go on Oprah or Good Morning America!

All of you guys are wonderful, thanks

I am ashamed to say that I faltered today. I met my boyfriend out for a drink before coming back to the house. A bar...first mistake! I couldn't sit there and not smoke so I told him that I would meet him at home and of course that just set the set the pattern for the rest of the evening. He said that since we've been seperated I made too many changes too fast. There's more to that but I won't get into it right now. It just has to do with my millionaire mind, the computer and money. Do I need to say anymore? Any way we got into a fight or let's say a heated discussion and he left. So I left right behind him. A natural woman instinct during a fight, lol. I drove around him and straight to the gas staition where I bought a pack if Camel Special Lights! If the guy who sold them to me moved any slower than he already did I wouldn't be here now! Just kidding, but I was ready to jump over the counter and light up before he even gave me my total. I made it back to the car and lit up I smoked a total of two and then I came to my senses thank god! I not only threw them away, I destroyed them so I couldn't go "rescue" them later.

All in all today was the hardest of the them all. I even put a patch on my arm around noon. I've decided that the problem with the nicotine is under control but the habit isn't. The habit controlled my life and now I am walking in circles! I know, I know replace the habit! Once again something that is easier said than done. Chewing gum? That's out for right now because of the Good & Plentys! My jaws and temples hurt so bad from eating that whole 6oz box last night that I can't hardly eat anything.

I want to exercise but that's not really a habit and just as hard to start as it was quiting the cigs! I'm sure I'll come up with something simple for starters. I just don't want it to involve food.

I am starting to bore myself now. Actually I just got done having it out with Karen (STW) and I think I had better for now. I am on a roll right now and it's not a pretty one.

So it's now about 3:15AM and I realized today that I am not a non smoker. I am a smoker who doesn't smoke I remember reading something about that early on in the Poll thread. Well good night all, that's all I can muster in my current state of mind I think I'll take a little break for a day or two but I will be checking in here and there. (Because you all know I can't completly stay away)

PS It's now 4AM and I'm still going in circles with her

Well it's about 10PM and I have done better than I thought, thank to all of you guys I did end up buying Gobstoppers, Good & Plentys, Raisonets, Peanut M&Ms, a King Size Health Bar and Turtles! The chocolate is to treat a different symptom if you know what I mean OMG What was I thinking? Stopping cigs this time of the month If I'm not huge by tomorrow morning I'll be surprised. I hadn't even thought of food until ellmer ate the kitchen! Oh well it seems to be helping the headach a bit.

As I said in my first entry about trying to keep my mouth shut...It didn't work I completely reacted to a post that just really me off! Oh well if she would have read the thread she would have known to read my blog then she would have known I wasn't in the mood for her comments. Oh well right? I'm just thankful I am on the road to a cleaner and healthier life!

I hope to go to sleep before 4AM tonight, and that will only happen if I get off of here before ellmer wakes up. Just kidding...I'll admit it, I'm addicted to MMG

Goodnight all and thank you for a wonderful day

Okay here is my first official Blog entry
I made it! I have learned a lot over the last couple of days. First and formost, I learned that you are not really supposed to chew the nicotine gum! You are supossed to let it sit between your cheek and gums like chewing tobacco. I couldn't find where it said to spit or not. It sure tastes like it

I am feeling very

I am biting off people's head left and right! I work from home and have to call the office about every 30 minutes or so. I told them this morning, I mean screamed at them this morning that things were going to be done my way or I'll go somewhere else! Which in all truthfulness my way is the right way and they are just trying to be CHEAP s In my normal state of mind I would have calmly talked to them or even set up a meeting to discuss the issues with everyone. But that's not going to happen today, I can tell you that! I am a B today so I'll try not to comment on too many things. I'll just have to try and keep my mouth shut

The only other problem to get over is concentrating. I can't seem to do it. I can't even type right

That's it for now as I am getting a bit anxious and need to do something else for a while. Thank s for reading