Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

I saw a woman wearing a T- shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She smacked me.

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!"

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing.
If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl, Alt, Delete' and start all over?

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Wouldn't you know it... Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside? \

Bumper sticker of the year: "If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"

And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

Have a great day
Kowgirl

thanks, at least my life better.

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?

hahaha

That's thoughtful!

hahahah it is so funny!

This post has been edited by millionaire:): Mar 29 2007, 08:28 AM

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