Thanks MM. I'm just giving support.

My father used to smoke all the time. I had childhood asthma because of the b*stard and last year after not talking to him in like 7 years he calls out of the blue and askes me to make a life od death decision. He had to have heart surgery from the smoking damage.

Don't want to see that to people I actually do talk to

He's still my father, wasn't going to tell him not to have and lessen his chances of living but he did a lot of other stuff too which helped the heart valves go.

He seems to be doing better or so he tells my mother. She tells me every time he calls and keeps telling me I should forgive him. He made his choices. He didn't give a s*it so why should I...

Seen too many people affected by smoking.

My last girlfriend's mother smoked and still does now. She even went through emphysema and is still smoking

Mobile I know how you feel but please remember one thing...people who hurt others with their addiction are not intentionally doing it. Would you turn your back on someone who had a crack or meth addiction and hurt you in some way shape or form, then went to rehab and got clean? My sister went through that and while I still have some bad feelings about how she hurt me and the rest of our family, she has been clean now for 16 years. She is a great person now and a great friend!

I don't know your father but I do know that forgiveness is the best gift one can give themselves. I still struggle with that though when it comes to someone who intentionally hurts me.

I can tell you that many years back, I stopped smoking around my kids. I still smoked in the house but not anywhere near them. I know that smoke travels through the vents but my bedroom is downstairs in an addtion to the house and has a seperate ventilation system plus it's over 1000 square feet away from them. (Which is is good in other ways too )

As far as the emphasyma and still smoking goes...I don't think it's reversable so it really doesn't make much of a difference once the damage is that severe.

I don't turn my back on people for addicition...my father was a jerk, a loser, a bastard...screw him.

Actually mine was too! He died on 9-11-86 and even then, we all said it was his time to go, that there was just no place in our lives left for him. We got our wish and so did he. He didn't want to get old and he didn't. Died at age 53. When I tell people that his head stone is sinking into the ground...I make a joke that it's the only one in the cemetary doing that because he went straight to hell!

Please don't anyone judge me for what I just said because they are my feelings based on his horrible actions. He was a very dishonest man in many ways and deserved an early death! Just trust me on that!

Well nothing like that.

Don't wish the guy was dead though in 20 years I've talked to him maybe 5 times.

He was the perfect role model.

Smoked
Drank
Gambled
When I was like 3 I'm sure I saw him hit my mother
Lied
Racist

If I don't tolerate people like that now I don't know what makes my mother think I should reach out to him. He never tried and it's now decades later...oh well.

Him being the way he is/was probably why I'm against crap like that. SO I guess I should thank him.

Yes, everything happens for a reason. You are who you are because of other people. If you think about it other people influence us every day. Good, bad, indifferent but the fact remains that we can't go through a day without having to deal with other people which is how we form our own opinions...from our reactions to them.

Don't get me wrong, I loved my father but he was just plain bad.

He drank, lied, stole, beat my mom a few times, cheated on her a lot, racist, gambled, and probably ordered "hits" on people but I don't know. What I do know is that he was into something really bad!

There were two times that I can remember that my mom told me that he was in a lot of trouble and we might have to leave and disapear and start a new life. She went on to explain that would mean leaving everything behind! Clothes and all! I guess that would have meant in translation..."going underground." I've never asked my Mother to this very day, what that was all about. She did tell me back in 1986 when he got sick, that by him getting cancer and dying so quickly that he saved us from having to do that. In other words if he had not gotten sick my life would have been a very undesireable one and I probably wouldn't be sitting here now. They gave him 10 days to 2 months to live when they found the cancer (on his birthday) and he lived about 5 1/2 months. He turned down any type of treatment offered including oxygen! He did however accept the moriphine for the pain.

I can't beleive that I just shared that! I have never talked about any of that with anyone! I was told at 14 yrs. old not to never speak of it, so never did until right now. I must love all of you guys! Thanks for being here