My family and I are fans of Cesar Millan of The Dog Whisperer fame (National Geographic channel on cable). He is well versed in the pack behavior and psychology of dogs and helps pet owners with their troubled dogs. As we were watching his show last night, he told a couple who were having trouble with their dog, that dogs do not hold a grudge. With dogs, what happened just seconds ago, is forgotten and they move on. It seems that dogs live in the moment, they do not bring with them every “bad” experience or failure from their past. Cesar goes on to tell the couple, “Carrying a grudge is a strictly human trait and that’s why so many marriages fail.” Quite an epiphany really.
One of my husband’s friends with whom he works is on his third marriage, as a matter of fact, it is a third marriage for both he and his wife. One of the problems he has is that of bring his problems and failures from his previous marriages into his latest marriage. He compares his latest wife with both of his past wives and the beginnings of his unhappiness and resentment are starting to show. He has the mind set that his marriage was doomed before he got married; he cannot detach from his past problems and failures. He has let fear and doubt creep in and destroy any future happiness he could have. It has affected every aspect of his life as well. He has moved from one job to another and still he has not found the success for which he is looking. All he needs to do is let go of his past failures, fear, doubt and resentment and move on. It’s known as detachment and it is very difficult for some to realize that they don't have to carry their problems around like a badge of courage for the rest of their lives.
This is true of anything in our lives. We carry around fear, doubt and resentment that we have created in our minds from our past failures – a strictly human trait. Failures are a blessing in disguise, but most people perceive failure as a stopping point in their lives instead of a potential opportunity. They become petrified with fear and doubt – they quit, become cynical and blame others for their failures. They carry around the expensive, beloved baggage of fear, doubt and resentment the rest of their lives ruining any hope of future success and happiness. When I say expensive, I mean it literally cost them happiness and success in any area of their lives that they truly deserve and when I say beloved, it must be dearly loved, because they hold onto it for the rest of their lives.
Many people think they do not deserve to be happy because of something “bad” they have done in their past. This tells me that they knew what they did was wrong, and now they have the potential to do something right in their lives, but they decide to beat themselves up the rest of their lives by carrying around all this fear, doubt and resentment! Why? Can you imagine carrying around all that mental doo-doo? They’ve learned their lesson, it’s time to move on and do something positive and rewarding to get the happiness and success they truly deserve. They deserve it by the shear fact that they are aware of their failures and have learned from them and can turn their failures into something that will make them the best they will ever be.
If you are carrying around fear, doubt and resentment from past failures and experiences, give yourself permission to detach from them. Give yourself permission to be happy and successful. Tell yourself you deserve to be happy and successful because you have learned from past mistakes and failures. If you can't do it, I will. I give YOU permission to be happy and successful. I give YOU permission to detach from failures, fear, doubt and resentment. It is OK to leave your failures, fear and doubt in the past. Live in the moment, please don’t live in the past. Learn from past mistakes, be grateful for them, but leave the past in the past and concentrate on living in the moment. You will be much happier and definitely successful.
It takes work to learn detachment and realize you deserve to be happy and successful. Remember positive self-talk. “I deserve to be happy and successful.”, “I am peaceful and certain of my happiness and success.”, “I am grateful for my failures, because they help me to realize my potential each time I experience them.” These are also known as affirmations. You are affirming that you are worthy of all the good things life has to offer. Affirmations nurture the spirit and cause your mind to take action.
Detach from past failures, live in the moment and give yourself permission to be successful and happy!