April 1, 2006
BREAKING NEWS: PAYPAL ACQUIRES E-GOLD
In a surprise announcement, PayPal, which is a part of eBay Inc.,
today disclosed that it has acquired Nevis company e-gold Ltd.
e-gold is an online payment system which describes itself as an
"e-currency" or "digital gold currency" (DGC). It is backed by
actual gold reserves and allows its users to store and transfer
PayPal spokesperson Midas R. Follis said that PayPal is considering
renaming the e-gold service to either e-pal, SuperPal or ClickPal,
and to eventually merge it entirely with PayPal.
"The meaning of the word 'gold' has changed dramatically over the
centuries. Nowadays it stands for glamour, wealth and prestige, and
has little to do with the precious metal known under the same name."
Citing the decades-high gold price and pressure by the gold cartel,
PayPal plans to sell off e-gold's gold reserves as early as next
Wednesday. e-gold's reserves are located in Dubai and Europe and
exceed those of Canada and many other countries.
Analysts expect that the sale of e-gold's reserves will have a
dampening effect on the soaring gold price. "We could see the price
drop to $500/oz in a matter of days", stated an top analyst who
spoke under the condition of anonymity.
Paypal indicated that its acquisition would bring many new
innovations to e-gold users, such as instant chargebacks, random
duplicate transactions, and live backdoors to authorized government
agencies around the world.
"In their own best interest and to improve security for everyone,
our users will be invited to upload their thumbprints and to mail
in their DNA in the form of tears, sweat, blood, or other bodily
Follis continued that after several years of stagnation, PayPal
is newly optimistic about the future now that it has taken over
one of its main competitors.
"e-gold had grown into a serious threat to our business model. This
acquisition allows us to focus on our core business, which consists
of providing our users with the much-needed suspense, drama and
entertainment of never knowing for sure if a payment they just
received is good or will be called back in the future."
e-gold Ltd. chairman Dr. Douglas Jackson was on Spring Break and did
not immediately return phone calls seeking comment.